Seeking Intimacy

Posted by diannemead in Emotional Wellbeing, Mental Health, consciousness, depression, education, health, parents, people

  So you think this may be a juicy read? Well at the risk of someone … anyone, deciding to take offence let me share with you part of a story and my wisdom that will open your awareness, have you looking into the depths of yourself without your realizing it … and from there … a whole new world awaits … awaits your talents, your passions and your desires.  

There are people out there waiting just to meet you, for you to come into their lives, for you to be the true you. Inspiring friends, family, work colleagues and children is what every one of you is about. You just haven’t realized it yet! 

Well here it goes. It comes from being open, the expectancy of intimacy that is. You know that guy or gal that seems to attract the opposite sex in droves. They have complete strangers coming up to them, phoning and texting at all times of the day and night. They only turn off their phone when they’re with you and don’t want to be caught out meaning jeopardizing the chance with someone else out there on a string. 

I know a friend who had a boy friend once just like that. I‘m sure you can all relate to someone in your life that seems to be a chick magnet or boy magnet.  

You think they have the looks, the charm and well the social life as well.  They seem to have it all together as far as the other sex is concerned they just don’t commit and in the meantime have a wow of a time running around on adrenalin with the excitement of it all.  (Don’t worry in a follow up we’ll look at the flip side to this story, the gal and her part.) 

Anyway, often they seem to be that really nice person that cares about everybody. The one the other guy’s wives telephone or chat with so easily. Or the chap that just has to offer to do things for everyone. 

Fact is, often we cannot resist being nice because we need to feel liked. This comes from our own insecurity or fear of being abandoned and ALONE. It all comes down to TIP underlying intentions really. Except, problem is, most of us are unaware of the driving reasons. On top of that, most of us don’t take the time to look into ourselves to see … and feel … what is actually going on.  This can go on for years and has done! I know you know what I mean here. Best part is… We can change it.  

Now I must admit I attract the opposite sex myself and well, yes … being attractive and female does of course help. Sorry guys not being sexist just a realist. I have boobs and feminine bits and pieces that … well … guys being mainly visual … do attract to.  I hate to repeat cliché’s and love being original but … guys and gals … beauty is only skin deep. 

And … you may ask … “how does what happens to me become my responsibility?”   Because everyone is doing their own thing … right?and I can’t control someone else’s behaviour?  

Really? … Get a grip!  We do influence other people’s behaviour … all the time. Our poor kids I say, what are we doing to them? Do you want to be the model of excellence for them? Then wake up. 

My behaviour whether it is something I do or decide not to do is of course my choice and does have an affect on other people. How they choose to respond is another story. 

The question to ask is “what is it in me that is attracting the relationship I am in?” 

TIP … bear in mind, the quality of the question, will reveal the quality of the answer. 

Wow….where we can go with that one.? Think about it! Great to teach your kids too. 

You see … this guy who received all the calls and emails and attracted women in Woolies and handed them his number darn it… HE decided to give out his phone number,  HE decided to not commit and HE decided to not tell the truth about being in a relationship.  

Yep … so where does this come from? Now let’s not condemn the guy or gal whatever the case may be. This is about learning here. Most people live unaware. Scary thought now isn’t it? Being aware is so much more empowering and gives us so many more choices.   

We need to study our actions to learn what we are about and believe me I don’t use that word “need” too many times. Where does the underlying need for that intimacy come from? What is it in you? And remember you are individual with different experiences to anyone else on the planet. Exceptionally brilliant and unique. 

TIP …  Noticing and Acknowledging our feelings even discovering them and feeling them in our body as well as listening to what we have been telling ourselves, gives great insight into what is actually holding us back.   

That’s right…holding us back … by staying in that relationship or not pursuing that dream, or accepting certain inappropriate behaviour or seeking intimacy through deception….oooohhh  

Awareness WILL create change in our lives … liberation, freedom AND … Love with intimacy.   

Problem is you may find you run from it. Intimacy and commitment that is and yet at the same time chase that Sourcy relationship…. we all seek it and sometimes crave for it. I know you are relating right now. Sourcey, steamy, fresh, alive and interesting. 

Okay, so … Back to Intention – now if we are coming from the heart, that is, coming from a space of truth, living in the present or the now as some people understand it and we truly desire the enjoyment of other people, same sex or not, then you would think that two people could enjoy that experience for whatever it is …  no more … no less.  Da daaaa…..not! 

Unfortunately what happens next comes down to the intentions of other people… TIP What place they are coming from, what feelings they are feeling and what they want to feel. 

Numerous times I’ve experienced very pleasant occasions only to find that the other person wants more. Yikes! They want more of me, more intimacy with a result of SEX.

Now of course this does not have to be a “bad thing”.  Sex is good. We all know that and in case you don’t know you do now and guys, gals love it too. It’s great for our health both physically and psychologically, which means … some of you guys out there … it’s not just a release of pent up sexual tension …  it is in fact emotion … you know …. Feelings … and it may surprise you and excite you to know that women experience it too.  Yah! They say.  

Okay, digressed again.   

It used to become awkward for me when the other person decided to feel rejected.  That’s right….that word again, DECIDE to feel rejected.   

If only that other person could come from a space of awareness and see the interaction for that given moment of joy that it is and embrace that moment, that feeling … they would fall into a place of love and acceptance for themselves and the void of the absence of another would not leave them feeling empty. Rather, alive … inspired and thirsting for more.

With a kick in their step departing from friends enjoying who they are and the presence (or present) of them and their influence on another’s life.  

Not loving oneself denies ourselves of the most precious gift of Intimacy we can ever experience. Intimacy with ourselves. 

Intimacy comes from that space of love for ourselves where self doubt, feelings of loneliness and rejection can never exist for we can only be in one place or the other. Love or unloved. 

Commit – Draw a line and decide which side of the line is for you … Your choice and yours alone. 

We can experience intimacy any time we choose. The greater gift is of course sharing that intimacy with other people. Question is … just how deserving of the depth of intimacy that you share is or are those people?   

Just how much do you really love about yourself? 

These times we are living in will be known for times of increased depression, suicide and addiction abuse.  

Let’s forget about the financial crisis for now which only exists because of the actions brought about through a lack of love causing fear and greed in the first place.   

Western society is a quilt, the name given for a cover that’s thrown over as a comforter. 

The comforter is smothering the masses … disassociated people. People searching for intimacy and finding ecstasy, indulgence and love from external influences for brief moments in the absence of finding true love for themselves and sharing that love, their being with others.   

The extension of a warm and gentle person misunderstood because people have become desensitized to people caring. They see something more than the beauty of simple kindness and they obsess on the picture of affection they have painted and believe was shown.  

Sometimes the story ends in the illusion of greener pastures resulting in emptiness, discontent, affairs or breakdowns.  

On top of this boundaries are broken and in some instances, boundaries are non existent because our desire to be loved, to be accepted, runs so deep we seek intimacy from any source.  

We become people pleasers and endeavour to fulfill what we believe is happiness to someone else … in turn we deny our own needs … causing frustration and emptiness, unsatisfying jobs and burn out. 

When in fact if we built the relationship with ourselves first we would then know better the type of person we are. We would recognize earlier the type of person best suited to us and in turn show love and appreciation for others and who they are, where they’re at AND avoid a great deal of pain and anger associated with broken relationships built on simple attraction and underlying unresolved issues. 

So, I hope to have created an awareness, a stirring within you that leads to loving yourself and knowing how best to love those around you.  

Thank you for joining me.  I could write so much more on this sourcy topic and … it meanders into so many other interesting paths.  

I do look forward to sharing more and truly hope you enjoy our journey together with intimacy in its holy form. 

Remember “Self awareness is the greatest gift you can give to yourself … and others. Your emotional wellness and the quality of your life depends upon it.”  Dianne Mead

Enjoy building intimacy in your life in all its forms. 

Visit my website www.diannemead.com and feel free to email on any topic and leave your comments below. 

Until next time, love and blesses from  

Your E-Coach … Dianne Mead 

From lessons on “How to Love You”  

Howtoloveyou.com.au Website coming soon

SELF DEVELOPMENT - Taking Responsibility for your Actions

Posted by diannemead in Emotional Wellbeing, Mental Health, children, consciousness, depression, education, health, parents, people

The more you change - the more things change around you. 

Breath and read on for we all know things are seldom as they first appear and usually there is much more beneath the surface.

Yes that’s right …. I said “the more YOU change, the more THINGS change AROUND YOU.”

Self awareness and self development are pretty closely linked though not the same.

The difference being the application of action. Once you become aware and have the courage to acknowledge to yourself, more importantly, take responsibility for yourself and your actions.

Focusing on the now and the future, deliberately decisively ignoring past events, problems or misbehaviour is NOT developing yourself.

This does not mean beating yourself up over something you have done or said that was inappropriate in wrong.

Self development THROUGH self awareness incorporates acknowledging, apologizing if necessary, taking action to right the misbehaviour and changing your YOUR thoughts and feelings to create new behaviours and actions.

Start being aware of the self talk you run in your own head and notice what emotions you feel as a result of that self talk.

Change YOUR self talk.

Focus on the result you wish you had achieved and HOW you what you WANT to achieve.

Picture the result occuring in your own mind. See, feel and smell with every cell of your body the NEW you.

ASK FOR FORGIVENESS

Acknowledge when you have hurt or offended someone, apologise if necessary and ask that person to forgive you. Yep….that’s right….ask for forgiveness.

Looking a person in the eye and asking for their forgiveness encourages YOU to become accountable for your actions and earns you respect. Saying “sorry” and asking the other person “will you forgive me?” not only teaches us the adults it also shows and teaches our children that we are human. It also shows our children it is okay to make mistakes and to apologise. We well may create a better generation of people through this simple exercise.

Education starts in the home and YOU are the greatest role model for your children.

YOU are the best person to parent YOUR child/ren. A message for all mums AND dads.

Recently I attended a women’s group and was blessed to be able to watch an Australian speaker Lisa McInnes-Smith say these exact words.

So I ask what are your children seeing you do? What are your children hearing you say and how exactly are you saying it and to whom? Do you apologise to your spouse or your child/ren in front of your child/ren?

Every word that comes from our mouths has the potential to build or tear down. The tongue cuts like a knife or can provide much encouragement, confidence and love. What are the effects of your words…on yourself and on others?

ROLE MODELLING

What are you role modelling?
Accept 100% responsibility for the result you obtain in any situation or event. WOW that’s big isn’t it?

It took me a while to overcome this one especially when as we all know, circumstances occur which are out of our control.
Although other people may be at fault, if we take the attitude that we are going to be 100% responsible for ourselves we have the potential to empower ourselves.

Through the power of our mind we can forge through challenges to overcome feelings and thoughts that leave us disempowered and “the victim”.

Take a moment to think about it….

We cannot change an event, we can change our response and action. We have the choice to change how we see, feel or perceive something or someone.

It is time you put a line in the sand and decided to take 100% responsibility?

How much value do you place on yourself?

What boundaries are in place to keep your values in check so that you maintain self worth, empowerment and integrity?

BOUNDARIES

Have you allowed your boundaries to blow out, way out?  By this I mean have you been denying your self, your own values for the sake of others? To keep the peace, so you think?Have you minimised actions, yours or others and told yourself or listened to others who have told you it just is not that big a deal and it really is?

Have you allowed others to tell you how you should or should not feel?

I ask you, when will you stop the abuse?

Do you think you are being heard or understood? Have you tried talking, speaking louder, explaining yourself, been part of a game of power and control, have you been silent…. so many tricks and games people play … what was that?….BEHAVIOURS you say….?

Nothing seems to be working. Well what do you do someone asks?….

WAKE UP to a new level of consciousness, BECOME AWARE for a start…..

We all run patterns of behaviour to create a result in all areas of our life. What results are you getting? Are the results what you want and are they producing a positive outcome that is safe to you and your family and those around you?

So let’s look at what drives our behaviour for some more insight.

EMOTIONS 

Are you taking responsibility for your own emotions? When we FEEL any shame, blame or reason to justify we are not taking responsibility? Again, I am pushing buttons I know….I ask you to think about it…
Negative emotions, any negative emotion is not taking responsibility for ourselves. Be aware of the feelings in your mind and your body and acknowledge the emotion THEN go deeper and ask yourself where does that emotion come from?

What is it IN ME that causes me to feel the negative and disempowering emotions.

Understanding yourself is the key to the quality of life you lead. Emotions are the foundation upon which our life will travel.

Our emotions DRIVE our actions or behaviours. We want to or are used to a certain emotional state, unconsciously we have LEARNED to behave or become CONDITIONED a certain way to create a desired state. Examples of this would be smoking, drinking, sex …. addictions ….

But what drives our emotions?

MIND AND BODY

Maximising our individual potential requires guiding our body by our mind, our mind by our soul/heart.

All too often our body (emotion resulting in a behaviour) is guided by our mind.

Your enlightenment, awareness, raised consciousness….call it what you will, is reaching that point when we acknowledge and remain in a place of love for others whilst using our wisdom to change our thoughts, feelings and behaviour to create results that are empowering to us.

Be kind to yourself and those around you.

Remember “Awareness Creates Change” when you decide to commit to the action to change.

DECIDE your own destiny and DEDICATE your life to YOUR DESTINY. That’s right fulfilling your purpose means being true to yourself.
Uphold your values whilst remaining respectful of others.

You will become aware when your boundaries are being challenged and it is imperative that you enforce your boundaries to remain in a state of self worth if you are to continue to develop your self and therefore those around you, like your children, precious treasures that form the next generation.

Stay tuned …. next blog will be about enforcing boundaries….

Dianne Mead M.A.A.C.H.P.
PO Box 6240
MAROOCHYDORE BC Q 4558
www.di-verse.com.au
dianne@di-verse.com.au

Self Development Educator
Specializing in Personal Growth and Business Development
Trainer
Hypnotherapist
M.P. NLP
Performance Consultant
Practitioner Australian Bush Flower Essence

DEPRESSION Damaged Adults Suffering Children

Posted by diannemead in children, consciousness, depression, education, health, parents, people

Welcome …..to a topic of great debate …..DEPRESSION

How do we as a society appear to you?

Many people are hurting. Our fellow man is in pain. Around the glove a collective of peoples unconsciously living….simply existing no matter what country or socio economic status.

So I pose this question, what if the collective were happy people CONSCIOUSLY living?

Instead many individuals, families and friends are being robbed through the effects of depression, anxiety and low self esteem. The figures rising as the years fly by.

Dreams archived, lives lost, others crippled by suicide and violence.

We have people who no longer dare to dream because the nightmare of existence they live weighs upon every cell of their body. Surrounded by people intoxicated by the fumes of despair our children are raised in an environment that shackles their minds and their beliefs. An unsaid atmosphere reinforced by what we as the adults allow to walk into our children’s lives physically and through TV and Video games.

We wonder why depression runs rampant. Why people are anxious.

Self development is more than ever before one of the largest industries world wide with billions of dollars spent annually toward improving oneself.

Ahh… but only a minimal percentage of our population are able to pay for and have access to these resources and even a smaller pecentage yet teach these skills.

p>Then I ask, when you’re in the depths of depression where does one go and to whom does one speak? All too familiar with this scenario I be. So relate with you I can.

After a childhood  of challenges, I eagerly grew into adulthood with a sense of responsibility and the driving desire for a better life only to find more challenges. Then once my first child arrived (to my second marriage) even more challenges. Not an unfamiliar story I’m sure although the details have been left out. Two failing marriages and 6 years of single parent living during which time after refinancing my home I was retrenched. Making lemonade from lemons I decided to go into business by myself. Ahh but only to become involved with a group of men that abused my trust and abilities, showed little integrity, failed to produce business and misrepresented themselves and products not only to myself but others. I found myself taking these guys to court for payment of which all has not been recovered and well, I had refinanced a second time with these chaps to invest money into a company that would pay dividends whilst business was building and now I find myself in the position of financial ruin. The capital invested still hangs in limbo, no dividends were paid and I am left high and dry paying for the interest on the loan.

Not only did I attract these guys into my working life but also my personal relationships finding my male friends could not commit, show loyalty or be faithful. They abused my trust and love not to mention my intellect and good nature. So now I find myself in the depths of financial ruin with depression a haunting ghost. Emotionally hypersensitive.

So why and how did I attract this into my life you may ask? Well that is the magic in self discovery. Looking back on the journey one can become quite enlighted.

Depression, the behaviour and condition of the mind and body.  I love this stuff.

Believe me I know all about it and more. I have experienced the effects of depression, anxiety, stress, poverty, responsibility, anger, alcholism, single parenting, marriage and communication breakdowns, entrenchment, burn out, financial loss, physical abuse,  mental abuse, suicidal thoughts, living in an orphanage, foster homes, what else? IT doesn’t really matter.

I have the ability to relate to people and I love that gift.

 

Emotional wellbeing is the key to quality of life.

I march into the future with warmth in my heart, compassion for my fellow man, the ability to feel other peoples emotions and have skills and knowledge to assist people to understand and move through the emotions and behaviours to create empowered people with making healthy safe choices and new nurturing behaviours.

Emotions are like a river. Sometimes they run visibly out of control, sometimes seemingly calm though beneath the surface lay an undercurrent so strong it waits, invisibly and without warning, with the ability to drag you down to the depths, spiraling and leaving you gasping for air…sometimes lifeless. Only problem is it doesn’t just take you it can take others. From the surface or at a distance a river can look so beautiful. People stare in contemplation of their own self as sunlight adorns the surface water sparkling with warmth, a camoflauge to the undercurrent.

STOP ACTING and BE REAL I SAY!  Who is acting you ask? Is it the depressed or the people around not wanting to know?

Well the truth is it is up to us as individuals to takeresponsibility. At the end of the day WE Have to have the courage to face ourselves and grow THROUGH the disempowering states.

Awareness Creates Change for those that want to change of course. Being true to yourself enables you to gain clarity and power to feel empowered.

Surround yourself with people that support you. Find someone you can trust to speak with  who understands your emotions and has the ability and skills to show you new ways to behave or see situations.

Protect yourself from those that threaten you or whom you perceive as putting you down. At least until you have nurtured yourself and healed.

Choose your friends wisely.

Be kind to yourself and trust in your own inner wisdom.

Speak nicely to yourself and about yourself.

Once you become aware of how you are speaking to yourself you will come to realize where the talk came from. Once you discover the origin you can then change the belief YOU PLACED around that decision even if it was because you may have been told something you chose to believe.

NEVER NEVER NEVER give up on your dreams.

Dreams are what keep you going and dreams do become reality. What we think now WILL BE OUR FUTURE and that of our Children.

I love talking emotions, behaviour and educating for personal power.

If you would like coaching contact me. Coaching sessions are available by email and telephone.

I believe self development should be taught through the schooling system and last year I instigated the initiation of awareness talks at my son’s local school aimed at parents and care givers. My aim being to first provide access to development tools to parents and carers and then for the adults as the major role models for children (beside the teachers) to implement at home in the day to day living and interaction with children.

Your comments on this strategy would be greatly appreciated. As you can understand the more feedback I can accumulate the more successful a program and the acceptance of a program will be.

May the white wings of a dove love and protect you and provide you with peace. Nurture yourself.

Emailing and telephone coaching available.

Dianne Mead M.A.A.C.H.P.
PO Box 6240
MAROOCHYDORE BC Q 4558
e: dianne@di-verse.com.au
Self Development Educator
Specializing in Personal Growth and Business Development
Trainer
Hypnotherapist
M.P. NLP
Performance Consultant
Practitioner Australian Bush Flower Essence

Hello world!

Posted by diannemead in Uncategorized

Welcome to this Blog.iBlog.net.au.

Where do I start, this being my first submission of a Blog? Here it goes and I look forward to receiving your comments.