Sydney Maco

What makes some people so happy, and others so miserable ? I’ve often tried to come up with an adequate explanation to this, without any luck.
Here in Australia you get to see a very wide cross section of cultures with varying degrees of affluence.
What I’ve observed in general
is the following;

- People who have recently migrated from abroad love Australia, but desperately cling onto their own culture
- “Real Australians” - Kenguri, or Australians from Anglo-Saxon extraction have Nationalistic tendencies, almost Nazi-like in extreme cases.
- First generation Australian born like myself tend to be split between being indifferent and longing for better times.

I’m primarily focused on the third group described above, and have finally come to what I feel is an adequate conclusion to something that’s been bugging me for some time.
By comparing various aspects of every day life between these groups, I’ve been able to draw some parallels, and highlight what seem like obvious differences but fundamental to life experience.

Things in our favor;
Strong family values
Respect for elders
Good Work ethic
Well mannered

Things holding us back;
Superstitious beliefs
Jealousy and Envy
Decline in Respect
Having it too easy and no incentive to leave the nest
Overly tolerant of alcohol and smoking
Looking for easy money, tax refunds, compo, lotto, etc
The Orthodox Church’s role, and our attitude towards it
Feeling we deserve more than we have
Being uncomfortable about our heritage

Migrants who have recently arrived in Australia have vivid memories of what they’ve fled from, doesn’t matter how much someone says they love their homeland, the fact is they left it behind for something better.
Us who are first generation born here in Australia can’t relate to this, instead we have a different expectation, we haven’t had to endure hunger, extreme conditions or war.
Have you ever seen the gleaming smile of a migrant, the eyes full of eagerness and hope for the future ? It’s extremely humbling and helps put things back into perspective.
Even though we have not had to see the hardship many migrants have been delivered from, it’s extremely helpful if we can empathise and do a reality check from time to time.
I’ve found that even our parents generation could benefit from this, they seem to have forgotten how good they have it in many cases.

It’s the sense of hope and gratitude that drives people to do some amazing things. For example a migrant with very little English and minimal literacy will start a small business and endure all manner of opposition.
On the other hand a university graduate who was born and raised in Australia has little hope for the future, is afraid of starting a business despite the lack of any real barriers.

I encourage you to bring these things up in conversation with your parents or others in that generation, see what they have to say.
You could almost turn it into a debate, see what side they’re leaning on initially, and you take the other side to draw out their arguments.
It may seem strange at first when you talk this way with your parents, but just hang in there, it’s probably because you’ve never really connected at that level.
The stories that will begin to flow will definitely draw you closer and re-affirm just how fortunate we are here in Australia.

Most Macedonians born here in Australia are descendants of farming peasants, it may seem harsh to describe things this way, but this is the reality.
By ignoring your roots, and denying your heritage it’s like cutting off your right arm and convincing yourself that you have two arms.
Just like Australians don’t like being reminded of their convict heritage, so it is with us.
I brought this up with a very close friend once, indirectly just to gauge his reaction. His reaction was typical and fell into line with what I expected.
First there was anger, denial, then changing the subject altogether. I suspect this is how most of us would react when confronted in this way, including myself.

I’d like to argue that this last point about being uncomfortable with our heritage is one of the major things holding us back as a community.
It would be extremely useful to be reminded from time to time that although we are here in Australia today living in peace, our ancestors have endured much hardship.
History which should be reflected upon, even as recent as our parents upbringing and subsequent arrival to Australia.
We are not descendants of nobility or royalty with a family crest or coat of arms, although some in the community like to behave as through they are.
We are descendants of farming peasants who in most cases were illiterate, and at best town dwellers, a product of the communist ideals.
You may feel the same way my friend did after reading the above statement, and I can understand why, just keep reading and you’ll see my reasoning.

We do not appreciate freedom unless we have first experienced slavery or oppression, similarly we do not fully appreciate abundance unless we have done without.
Most importantly we do not appreciate grace (ie, being given a gift despite being most undeserving), unless we first accept and acknowledge we are undeserving.
It’s in our nature to lean towards feeling we deserve more out of life, or that we’ve earned what we have accumulated.
Changing the way you see your circumstances and how deserving you really are can go a long way towards becoming more appreciative and at the same time more sharing.
We laugh when we see toddlers chucking a tantrum over something they feel they deserve and is being withheld.
Now imagine yourself as that toddler when you feel you deserve some of these things;

- A BMW M3, just because you went to Uni
- A 4 Bedroom double story with large rumpus, study and double garage, just because your parents have 4 investment properties
- A job paying $160,000, just because it feels good to earn more than others
- A perfect family with one boy and one girl, just because it’s perfect and you deserve it
- A $10,000 tax refund, just because you hear others getting returns with certain tax agents
- A seat on the train, just because you paid your fare
- A 21st birthday party to end all 21st birthday parties

There are many more examples but you get the picture.
Start to see what you have as a gift rather than something you have earned, afterall you cannot even take your next breath without it being given to you.
So to summarise, the determining factor seems to be how appreciative we are of our circumstances.

I’ve been thinking recently about just how beautiful Sydney is as a city. We are so fortunate to be living in such a place. I’m sick of hearing all these negative points about Sydney, it’s crowded, it’s polluted, it’s fast paced, it’s impersonal, it’s expensive, etc. I love the place, and working in the CBD is just an awesome privilege. Having a mobile phone with a half decent camera, I thought I’d make use if it and take some photos around the city. Be sure to check back often, as I’ll be uploading directly from my phone to Flickr.

It all seems like a perfectly logical thing to do when you think about it, rather than receive multiple items, and things you don’t particularly like, you get to hand pick exactly what you will “receive”. Seems very convenient for the recipient, without so much of a burden to the “giver”. I won’t beat around the bush on this topic, and you’ve probably already worked out from the heading, I’m totally opposed to the “gift” registry concept.
You may know someone who is contemplating or already imposed the “gift” registry on their family and friends for a wedding, kitchen tea party, etc.

To me it’s almost as offensive as someone inviting you out to lunch or dinner, then expecting you to pay for both. Maybe it’s just me but I can’t understand how people can justify this, it’s not even a gift, think of what a real gift is, and you’ll probably see what I mean.
A real gift is when someone takes the time and makes the effort to find something they would like to give to you, not when you select exactly what you would like to be given, then expect to get all these on the day.

A real gift has an element of surprise, it’s also a personal reflection of the giver, some gifts will eventually form some sentimental value over time. On the other hand an item from the “gift” registry has a surprise factor of nil on a scale of 1 to 10. There is no opportunity for the gift giver to give you what they themselves truly believe you need. And if you’re expected to buy an item from a “gift” registry but are one of the last to pick one of the remaining items, you may not feel comfortable buying a $200 kitchen knife. Come on people, it’s absurd, can’t you see. I will eventually come up with a more appropriate name for the “gift” registry, maybe something like the wedding contribution registry, since it’s no longer a gift, but a prescribed contribution.

So next time you are expected to choose from a “gift” registry, maybe consider handing it over with a really cheesy smile and a heartfelt “Here is my contribution”. One suggestion I could make to the department stores would be to offer the “Platinum” package. This is only for those wanting ultimate convenience, guests browse the list of items online, select an item and pay via credit card, all the items are then shipped directly as a single delivery at the convenience of the recipient, who can also specify if they’d like to receive them wrapped or unwrapped. A list can then be emailed to the recipient with who paid for which gift, if required. Don’t laugh, this is where we’re heading.

There has traditionally been a separation between work life and family life at home. Employees would go to work perform their duties, then clock-off and rush home to be with the family. The evenings and weekends were typically off-limits for most employers when it comes to encroaching on family life. This is all changing, and for a variety of reasons.
There seems to be a growing trend these days where employers are actively blurring this distinct line of separation. Some examples include the following;
Bring your kids to work day
Drinks after work on Friday
Posters with baby photos of co-workers
International Breakfast days
“Team building” activities such as going to the zoo, bowling, archery, treasure hunt.
Now to most people these would seem like a little bit of harmless fun, but think about it, why would employers go to this trouble if it wasn’t ultimately in their interest. When you bring the social side into work, you inevitably bring the work life back home also. Many office workers today have remote access and a mobile phone, at the beckoning call of their employer.
In a typical office environment you have a mixture of people of all backgrounds and stages of life. Employers are not entirely to blame, there is also a growing number of single people in the workforce in their early to mid 30’s who don’t have a family to go home to. Some still living with their parents, others renting and living with a flat mate, or maybe a de facto partner. For them the opportunity to socialise with work colleagues is seldom declined.
I prefer to see work as totally separate from my family life, in this context I like to refer to employers as either “family friendly” or “family hostile”. Respecting the fact that ultimately my family is of infinitely higher priority than work. Not being frowned upon for choosing to be with my family over drinking with co-workers for hours after work on a Friday.
And there is something inherently wrong with giving a few dollars to prance around with a ribbon or badge showing support for the latest cause. I refuse to buy into this and prefer to make real donations to real charities, without the need for drawing attention. It’s typically these office busy bodies who have nothing better to do than go around and pester people.

The pursuits of the intellectual are ultimately frustrated by further questions, complications and apparent “anomalies”. The wise on the other hand seem to have a slow but steady stream of re-affirmations, a level of insight only few can grasp, leaving others to seek wisdom rather than mocking the intellectual in public debates.
Intellectuals approach knowledge as a collection of facts and figures, regurgitating these at any opportunity to demonstrate supremacy, spicing things up with a dash of logical argument. Claiming exclusive rights over all that has been revealed, naming mathematical constants, celestial objects, the human genome. A phenomenal height of arrogance which can lead to a crashing fall back down to earth.
I do not claim to be neither an intellectual nor wise, only that I acknowledge there is a distinction. On seeing this difference I can now turn in the direction of seeking wisdom, rather than a mere intellectual pursuit.
There are many examples of intellectuals who have finally come to realise that their pursuit has been more an initiation into wisdom than anything. You may be at a stage in your life where facts and figures reign supreme, in that case you have a long way to get to wisdom. While you continue down this path, you will never understand more about the known universe than (On a scale of 1 to 10)
1 + 3.1248163264128256 x 10 ^{-4309583847598347538274238764}
(Constant - the pinnacle of intellectual wisdom).
You will know when you are in the company of a wise person. Learn the language they speak, don’t burden them with life’s trivialities, but rather seek to understand their beliefs and motivation.

There’s something special about feeling respected by others. Being acknowledged, made to feel welcome, listened to and understood, included in conversation, etc. You know the feeling you get subconsciously when others show respect, even if it’s towards a third party. It makes the whole encounter much more pleasant when respect is shown by all parties.
The flipside of that is a sour feeling, disrespect makes others feel awkward, resentful and sometimes angry. I’m finding that there is a real problem with lack of respect, especially among the youth. It’s almost as if some younger Macos have a split personality, totally disrespectful and rebellious at home, then minutes later overly-pleasant with their friends, co-workers, etc. It’s even more dramatic when you see disrespect among the more “mature”.
It’s very unpleasant to be in the company of a husband and wife who argue, especially when the wife puts the husband down, this repeated lack of respect then makes it’s way down to their children’s behaviour. It’s almost like a disease of the personality, and it can be contagious. The best thing you can do in this situation is to just leave, take whoever is with you at the time and just leave, even if it’s just to another room.
Ironically it’s typically the disrespectful people that like to bask in respect shown by others. It’s almost like a one way street for them, always receive but seldom give. I call these people “respect hoarders”.
I encourage people to take a stand against disrespectful people. Make your feelings know, tell them not to use filthy language, not to be rude by answering their mobile phone mid-sentence, stop talking if you sense they’re not entirely listening, refuse to respond to unnecessary shouts from the distance, not to spread their germs when they’re sick, withdraw your company if you feel disrespect shown to another person.
A show of gratitude is always pleasant on the receiving end, if we help others, complement them, give them good news, etc.
Gratitude can be expressed in many different ways, calling to say a simple thank you, returning a book borrowed in person rather than telling them to pick it up next time they’re over, not telling them you hate their gift as soon as you open it, not spoiling good news by telling them you already knew, not saying you only drink “real coke” when offered Aldi Cola as a guest, etc.
In other words it’s making an effort to show your appreciation at the convenience of the other person.
We’ve all experienced having good intentions, helping someone else in good faith, only to be let down by them not thanking us, or showing any appreciation. In this situation you could model correct behaviour to that person, but the right opportunity must emerge first.
Ungrateful people typically have a history of being spoilt in some way, either too much mothering, having someone fuss over them constantly. Too much mothering can lead to overly-fussiness, insisting on cutting the crusts off, etc. Developing a self-centeredness and stubbornness later in life that’s as unyielding as buggery.
Seek to make these two words part of your vocabulary; Respect and Gratitude. In fact you will probably find that others will respect you for standing up to a disrespectful person.

Our minds are like ultra-absorbent sponges, they can soak vast amounts of information in for their relatively compact size. The volume of information that’s being hurled at our brains in today’s society is phenomenal. Never in the history of mankind has so much information been generated, stored and consumed. And just like a sponge, our brains can accumulate many germs during daily use.
With the increase in the volume of information flying around in our daily lives, the amount of noise our brains have to deal with has increased proportionally. Noise as in unsolicited phone calls, junk mail, spam email, credit card offers in the mail, in your face advertising, over sensationalised coverage of trivial stories in the media, multi-buy savings in the supermarket, store loyalty programs, advertising included with bank statements, department store sales, toys bundled with kids meals, real-estate marketing disguised as entertainment.
We’ve come to realise that the availability of excessive food can lead to food centred addictions, eating disorders and obesity. Information - the food that the brain feeds on can have a similar effect on our brains.
You really need to make a conscious decision to reject or eliminate certain sources of information in today’s society. A person plodding along in life on auto pilot would end up consuming a smorgasbord of nutritionally poor brain food, some of which is addictive.
Addictions can be formed by anything that overloads the senses and gives an apparent sense of pleasure with little or no effort. Overstimulating our brains repeatedly only leads to a higher threshold which now much be reached to attain the same level of stimulation. Of course there are certain personality types which are more susceptible to forming addictions.
We are all addicts in some way, some are addicted to travel, some to the internet, others to shopping, gossip (often disguised as catching up with friends), computer games, doing up the car, attaining the ultimate home theater system, photography, the latest gadgets, porn, dining out, tracking our investment portfolio, clubbing, cigarettes, the latest thriller, make-up, nails, pokies, wine tasting, all you can eat buffets, handbags and shoes, romance novels, diamonds and gold, latte, designer brands (even undies where the waistband shows), dominos pizza, crosswords, sudoku, fantasy roleplay games, the specials in the latest catalogue, the gym, drinks after work, rss feeds, blogs, ebay, facebook, second life, and many more yet to be conceived. In our try-before-you-buy society, it’s even getting to the point where people are becoming addicted to first dates and all the warm feelings associated.
I propose that a regular brain detox is necessary in order to have a peaceful and harmonious existence. The objective is to get you back in balance, and in control of what information your brain feeds on.
Think of how you spend your time, almost as if you had to account for every hour in the day, over the course of a week. Now think of what new and exciting things you can start doing if you had an extra 2-3 hours per day. Watching television is probably the most widely addictive source of information with years of conditioning. The internet is set to replace that in the years ahead.
We’ve all had those moments where there is a black out at night and we don’t know what to do. We find the torch, light a candle, and just sit there wondering what to do with ourselves. Soon we start a conversation with the other people in the house, no more internet, television, radio, etc. Some of our most deepest and meaningful conversations are had with others during this time, something that is sadly lost in our society today.
Election campaigns, and Christmas time are probably the best times to undertake a brain detox, since there is so much mis-information going around. Just like your regular dietary detox, you’ll need to refrain from certain brain foods (TV, Internet, Newspapers, etc), and increase your intake of others (conversation with others, read the classics, explore nature).
After doing this for a month, you will feel a sense of freedom never before experienced. A higher level of consciousness is inevitable. You are now back in control, free from all the manipulation scattered throughout the media and what modern society has to “offer”. It really is an “offer” that society makes, as compelling as it may be, it pales in comparison once you attain this state. A state where you can truly get to know yourself and others (seeing through the facade), a state where the creator will reveal himself to you.

We live in a society with an abundance of food, more than could be imagined by previous generations. Our affluence as a society has enabled us to substitute food for comfort rather than it’s primary purpose, i.e. nourishment. Another important, sometimes overlooked concept is that a meal shared is always better than one eaten alone. There is something special about sharing a meal together, with friends for lunch, with family at dinner time, etc.

With the increase in the variety of food available, and the popularity of easily accessible (not as easily digestible) junk food, the way we spend meal time is changing.

You have teenagers and squatting adult children (some in their 30s) who wouldn’t touch a home cooked meal if an offer to go and eat out with friends came up. It doesn’t leave a very nice taste in the parents mouth, treating the home like a hotel, coming and going as they please.

On the other hand, our parents probably wouldn’t be caught dead in a cafe or restaurant, and look forward to weddings and christenings for a semi-formal dining opportunity. Not many people say grace before a meal these days, and the few that do make the effort don’t seem to be consistent or ask their children to do the same. By diving straight in to eat, not waiting for the father to sit at the head of the table, we’re reducing the value of the meal to the equivalent of a frozen lean-cuisine.

It’s important to make the effort not only to eat good food, but to enjoy it in good company. This can take many forms, and doesn’t need to be an expensive dinner out with friends.

A simple picnic (not one where you pack half the fridge and take a folding table and chairs) is the best way to enjoy the outdoors with your family. You don’t need to fire up a coal barbecue, just pack enough to make a few sandwiches, some fruit, water, and enjoy. By keeping it simple you’re more likely to do it more frequently.

Many of us have grown up with memories of our parents going to work in the factories in and around Sydney in the mid 1970s to late 1980s.
There is a false belief that these factories have now disappeared, all production has gone offshore, there is no more work for the lower classes.
This infact cannot be further from the truth, infact what has happened is a shift in the classes in such a way as to instill a false sense of progress.

Our parents had high hopes that we would grow up doing some easier work, less demanding physically, cleaner, and generally a better and easier life, etc. Has this materialised, most people would argue that it has, I’d like to explore where we have infact ended up, and what we can do going forward.

By making people believe that they have gone up the social ladder, when infact the level of dependence has increased through consumerism, people generally feel content without realising what has happened. The quality of life has not increased, infact I’d argue that quality of life has generally declined, particularly when it comes to family.
A false indicator of quality of life is material possessions, when infact it should personal relationships primarily within the family.

My answer to anyone would be family comes first, don’t let money, wealth, or material possessions get ahead of your personal relationships. This is difficult to contemplate in today’s world, we’ve come a long way from the weekend picnics, visiting each other regularly for just a chat, helping each other when in need. The prospect of a flashy new car, or several weeks of indulgence on a cruise ship, a brand new shiny kitchen with stainless steel appliances are just too much to give up in exchange for attention to the people we love.

We are the factory workers of today, we may work inside air conditioned offices, but it’s still a factory when you think about it. We can be factory workers in today’s world and still retain the family values that our parents held, these are not mutually exclusive. The really difficult question that needs to be asked, and most people would go to great lengths to avoid is this; Who do you live for ? When you wake up in the morning do you think, wow, I’ve got a fresh 24 hours in which to live and enrich the lives of people around me. I’ll tell you now, if we did this first as a family, then as a community, we’d all benefit from better relationships.

Growing up many of us may have memories of fairly strict parents, some a little tight with their money. While other kids had the latest toys, we’d have to settle for what we had. Although there may have been a feeling of missing out, this can’t be farther from the truth once we had reached adult life. A loving parent isn’t one that gives the child everything they ask for. The softened parent that’s supposedly loving towards their child is in fact not loving at all, but careless. It takes real love to teach a child that they can’t have something, and persevere. Is the new generation of Australian born Macedonian parents becoming a bunch of careless parents, looking for the easy way out ?

The role of the parent has been mis-shaped by secular culture, the media, etc. The good old values our parents held, are tried and tested over many generations, but we seem to be fairly swift in dismissing them as old fashioned. Treating values like they are outdated, almost like they’re an old dress with frills and shoulder pads, or a tight fitting light grey suit our dad wore with big collars and flares.

Children’s brains are absorbing information at an amazing rate, they learn much more in the first few years than many adults learn during their lifetime. It’s the responsibility of the parents to ensure an encouraging and safe environment is available for the child to learn. By environment I mean not only resources like books, videos, activities, etc, but also attention, assistance, genuine interest in the child’s development. Not only providing those things required to aid learning, but also to restrict those things that lead them astray. Parents that don’t show a genuine interest in their child’s learning tend to be content with the child consuming popular culture, and what’s freely available. I’d go as far as to say it’s irresponsible as a parent to think the school will take care of their children’s education and they don’t need to do anything. Some dangers that children are currently exposed to include;

- Television shows, Allowed any show they want to watch including big brother (can’t be healthy for primary school kids).
- Movies with strong scenes of violence, action, sex, swearing, etc
- Unsupervised internet access, eventually they will stumble onto pornography or some pedophile.
- Violent games involving stealing cars, killing people, etc

Either parents take on this responsibility, or society will fill the void. Parents have a big task ahead of them, much of what’s on offer from popular culture is much more enticing than being taught good values and morals. Just because something is free doesn’t mean it’s good for you. In fact most of the time it comes with strings attached or provided by someone with a hidden motive. It’s the reason quality content and information costs money, and anything else for general consumption is like junk food, fills you up very cheap.

I remember as a kid, my dad had a friend who recently opened up a video library when VHS was really big, still had Beta but in one small corner. He had so many movies, and he’d lend them to us all for free, we thought it was the best thing out (because it’s free). We were watching all sorts of movies back then, including all the Bruce Lee movies with all the killing, etc. I guess this would translate today into a dad who had a mate that could get him free unrestricted cable TV, thinking he’s getting something great because it’s free. Or getting bundled internet access with foxtel, because it’s free, etc.

Pay attention to your kids, become part of their learning experience, you may learn something also. We laugh when our parents have trouble with the latest electronic gadgets, but we will face the same fate unless we become closer with our children.