Sydney Maco

It all seems like a perfectly logical thing to do when you think about it, rather than receive multiple items, and things you don’t particularly like, you get to hand pick exactly what you will “receive”. Seems very convenient for the recipient, without so much of a burden to the “giver”. I won’t beat around the bush on this topic, and you’ve probably already worked out from the heading, I’m totally opposed to the “gift” registry concept.
You may know someone who is contemplating or already imposed the “gift” registry on their family and friends for a wedding, kitchen tea party, etc.

To me it’s almost as offensive as someone inviting you out to lunch or dinner, then expecting you to pay for both. Maybe it’s just me but I can’t understand how people can justify this, it’s not even a gift, think of what a real gift is, and you’ll probably see what I mean.
A real gift is when someone takes the time and makes the effort to find something they would like to give to you, not when you select exactly what you would like to be given, then expect to get all these on the day.

A real gift has an element of surprise, it’s also a personal reflection of the giver, some gifts will eventually form some sentimental value over time. On the other hand an item from the “gift” registry has a surprise factor of nil on a scale of 1 to 10. There is no opportunity for the gift giver to give you what they themselves truly believe you need. And if you’re expected to buy an item from a “gift” registry but are one of the last to pick one of the remaining items, you may not feel comfortable buying a $200 kitchen knife. Come on people, it’s absurd, can’t you see. I will eventually come up with a more appropriate name for the “gift” registry, maybe something like the wedding contribution registry, since it’s no longer a gift, but a prescribed contribution.

So next time you are expected to choose from a “gift” registry, maybe consider handing it over with a really cheesy smile and a heartfelt “Here is my contribution”. One suggestion I could make to the department stores would be to offer the “Platinum” package. This is only for those wanting ultimate convenience, guests browse the list of items online, select an item and pay via credit card, all the items are then shipped directly as a single delivery at the convenience of the recipient, who can also specify if they’d like to receive them wrapped or unwrapped. A list can then be emailed to the recipient with who paid for which gift, if required. Don’t laugh, this is where we’re heading.

There has traditionally been a separation between work life and family life at home. Employees would go to work perform their duties, then clock-off and rush home to be with the family. The evenings and weekends were typically off-limits for most employers when it comes to encroaching on family life. This is all changing, and for a variety of reasons.
There seems to be a growing trend these days where employers are actively blurring this distinct line of separation. Some examples include the following;
Bring your kids to work day
Drinks after work on Friday
Posters with baby photos of co-workers
International Breakfast days
“Team building” activities such as going to the zoo, bowling, archery, treasure hunt.
Now to most people these would seem like a little bit of harmless fun, but think about it, why would employers go to this trouble if it wasn’t ultimately in their interest. When you bring the social side into work, you inevitably bring the work life back home also. Many office workers today have remote access and a mobile phone, at the beckoning call of their employer.
In a typical office environment you have a mixture of people of all backgrounds and stages of life. Employers are not entirely to blame, there is also a growing number of single people in the workforce in their early to mid 30’s who don’t have a family to go home to. Some still living with their parents, others renting and living with a flat mate, or maybe a de facto partner. For them the opportunity to socialise with work colleagues is seldom declined.
I prefer to see work as totally separate from my family life, in this context I like to refer to employers as either “family friendly” or “family hostile”. Respecting the fact that ultimately my family is of infinitely higher priority than work. Not being frowned upon for choosing to be with my family over drinking with co-workers for hours after work on a Friday.
And there is something inherently wrong with giving a few dollars to prance around with a ribbon or badge showing support for the latest cause. I refuse to buy into this and prefer to make real donations to real charities, without the need for drawing attention. It’s typically these office busy bodies who have nothing better to do than go around and pester people.

We live in a society with an abundance of food, more than could be imagined by previous generations. Our affluence as a society has enabled us to substitute food for comfort rather than it’s primary purpose, i.e. nourishment. Another important, sometimes overlooked concept is that a meal shared is always better than one eaten alone. There is something special about sharing a meal together, with friends for lunch, with family at dinner time, etc.

With the increase in the variety of food available, and the popularity of easily accessible (not as easily digestible) junk food, the way we spend meal time is changing.

You have teenagers and squatting adult children (some in their 30s) who wouldn’t touch a home cooked meal if an offer to go and eat out with friends came up. It doesn’t leave a very nice taste in the parents mouth, treating the home like a hotel, coming and going as they please.

On the other hand, our parents probably wouldn’t be caught dead in a cafe or restaurant, and look forward to weddings and christenings for a semi-formal dining opportunity. Not many people say grace before a meal these days, and the few that do make the effort don’t seem to be consistent or ask their children to do the same. By diving straight in to eat, not waiting for the father to sit at the head of the table, we’re reducing the value of the meal to the equivalent of a frozen lean-cuisine.

It’s important to make the effort not only to eat good food, but to enjoy it in good company. This can take many forms, and doesn’t need to be an expensive dinner out with friends.

A simple picnic (not one where you pack half the fridge and take a folding table and chairs) is the best way to enjoy the outdoors with your family. You don’t need to fire up a coal barbecue, just pack enough to make a few sandwiches, some fruit, water, and enjoy. By keeping it simple you’re more likely to do it more frequently.

Many of us have grown up with memories of our parents going to work in the factories in and around Sydney in the mid 1970s to late 1980s.
There is a false belief that these factories have now disappeared, all production has gone offshore, there is no more work for the lower classes.
This infact cannot be further from the truth, infact what has happened is a shift in the classes in such a way as to instill a false sense of progress.

Our parents had high hopes that we would grow up doing some easier work, less demanding physically, cleaner, and generally a better and easier life, etc. Has this materialised, most people would argue that it has, I’d like to explore where we have infact ended up, and what we can do going forward.

By making people believe that they have gone up the social ladder, when infact the level of dependence has increased through consumerism, people generally feel content without realising what has happened. The quality of life has not increased, infact I’d argue that quality of life has generally declined, particularly when it comes to family.
A false indicator of quality of life is material possessions, when infact it should personal relationships primarily within the family.

My answer to anyone would be family comes first, don’t let money, wealth, or material possessions get ahead of your personal relationships. This is difficult to contemplate in today’s world, we’ve come a long way from the weekend picnics, visiting each other regularly for just a chat, helping each other when in need. The prospect of a flashy new car, or several weeks of indulgence on a cruise ship, a brand new shiny kitchen with stainless steel appliances are just too much to give up in exchange for attention to the people we love.

We are the factory workers of today, we may work inside air conditioned offices, but it’s still a factory when you think about it. We can be factory workers in today’s world and still retain the family values that our parents held, these are not mutually exclusive. The really difficult question that needs to be asked, and most people would go to great lengths to avoid is this; Who do you live for ? When you wake up in the morning do you think, wow, I’ve got a fresh 24 hours in which to live and enrich the lives of people around me. I’ll tell you now, if we did this first as a family, then as a community, we’d all benefit from better relationships.

Growing up many of us may have memories of fairly strict parents, some a little tight with their money. While other kids had the latest toys, we’d have to settle for what we had. Although there may have been a feeling of missing out, this can’t be farther from the truth once we had reached adult life. A loving parent isn’t one that gives the child everything they ask for. The softened parent that’s supposedly loving towards their child is in fact not loving at all, but careless. It takes real love to teach a child that they can’t have something, and persevere. Is the new generation of Australian born Macedonian parents becoming a bunch of careless parents, looking for the easy way out ?

The role of the parent has been mis-shaped by secular culture, the media, etc. The good old values our parents held, are tried and tested over many generations, but we seem to be fairly swift in dismissing them as old fashioned. Treating values like they are outdated, almost like they’re an old dress with frills and shoulder pads, or a tight fitting light grey suit our dad wore with big collars and flares.

Children’s brains are absorbing information at an amazing rate, they learn much more in the first few years than many adults learn during their lifetime. It’s the responsibility of the parents to ensure an encouraging and safe environment is available for the child to learn. By environment I mean not only resources like books, videos, activities, etc, but also attention, assistance, genuine interest in the child’s development. Not only providing those things required to aid learning, but also to restrict those things that lead them astray. Parents that don’t show a genuine interest in their child’s learning tend to be content with the child consuming popular culture, and what’s freely available. I’d go as far as to say it’s irresponsible as a parent to think the school will take care of their children’s education and they don’t need to do anything. Some dangers that children are currently exposed to include;

- Television shows, Allowed any show they want to watch including big brother (can’t be healthy for primary school kids).
- Movies with strong scenes of violence, action, sex, swearing, etc
- Unsupervised internet access, eventually they will stumble onto pornography or some pedophile.
- Violent games involving stealing cars, killing people, etc

Either parents take on this responsibility, or society will fill the void. Parents have a big task ahead of them, much of what’s on offer from popular culture is much more enticing than being taught good values and morals. Just because something is free doesn’t mean it’s good for you. In fact most of the time it comes with strings attached or provided by someone with a hidden motive. It’s the reason quality content and information costs money, and anything else for general consumption is like junk food, fills you up very cheap.

I remember as a kid, my dad had a friend who recently opened up a video library when VHS was really big, still had Beta but in one small corner. He had so many movies, and he’d lend them to us all for free, we thought it was the best thing out (because it’s free). We were watching all sorts of movies back then, including all the Bruce Lee movies with all the killing, etc. I guess this would translate today into a dad who had a mate that could get him free unrestricted cable TV, thinking he’s getting something great because it’s free. Or getting bundled internet access with foxtel, because it’s free, etc.

Pay attention to your kids, become part of their learning experience, you may learn something also. We laugh when our parents have trouble with the latest electronic gadgets, but we will face the same fate unless we become closer with our children.

Something most people don’t like to think about is getting old, but we’re all heading there.
The aged pension is something that our parent’s generation aspire to, they see that as an achievement and an entitlement for long years of hard labor. The bar has been raised much higher for our generation, the aged pension should not even be contemplated as an option. We’re forced into saving for retirement through superannuation in a user pays system that would cause an outrage with the older generation. We’re forced into a private health system through tax penalties where the corporate world will now be responsible for our health and wellbeing. A world where over servicing and inflated prices swallow up any savings made through reduced government bureaucracy. Take a look at the US for example, medication we take for granted here, costs them an arm and a leg. Is a US-like society something that we all aspire to, or is it something forced upon us unwittingly by our submissive government, buckling under pressure ?

I believe that our generation will suffer the greatest strain financially in retirement since we have parents with one expectation, and a government with another expectation of us. We need to forget all talk about government pension, even public health, it’s here today, but realistically in 30 years time it’s every man for himself. Forget government subsidised medication like pensioners enjoy today, and heavily discounted public transport, these are a legacy of a bygone era. As individuals, even as a community we cannot realistically change this shift. What we can do is plan for these things and make a positive outcome, rather than let things happen, and feel like a victim. Awareness is the seed we need to plant in the whole Macedonian community, ignorance will not get us anywhere.

What can we do about this ? I see three options;

- Ignore, and let things happen
- Take action as individuals
- Take action as a community

I’ll explain why the third option is the most likely to see a positive outcome. Ignorance will get us to a state of minimal superannuation accumulation, maybe a house we own, parents in their 80’s to 90’s needing looking after. A fairly mediocre existence, forget about going on overseas holidays every year.
If we take things into our own hands, maybe invest actively, put some money aside, keep ontop of market trends, we’re likely to have only a slightly better outcome. This may sound surprising to most, especially those that feel they have a good handle on their finances and retirement planning. A little more money obviously helps, but what good is the money to you if the community you enjoyed at one stage no longer exists. Or your siblings, cousins, etc went down the ignorance is bliss path. Only a totally selfish person would say “so what, I worked for my money, tough luck to them all.”
Now hopefully you can already see why the third option is the best possible all round. More money, and people to enjoy it with at the same time. Allow me to illustrate with two extreme scenarios;

1. Community of retired Macedonians, all have a car, living in their own house, able to travel overseas regularly, attend social events, concerts, theater, sporting events, church every Sunday, etc. Enjoy each others company, meet regularly for coffee, dine out with others, etc. Independent of their children, feel free to come and go as they please.

2. Vast majority of retired Macedonians on minimal pension, most without a car, living with one of their children out of necessity, cannot travel overseas unless someone else pays for airfare, meet at the local shopping centre and talk about politics, bring a sandwich from home and wont even buy a coffee from Michell’s Patiserie. On the other hand there’s the handful of really well off retirees who are despised by the majority. They’ll go fishing, travel overseas, have a car to travel, but sadly the company is scarce.

We need to shift from the “entitlement mentality” and “victim mentality” held by most of our parents to one of prosperity. Prosperity we can build up as a community with common values, not as selfish individuals with no regard for others. The freedom we enjoy here in Australia is priceless, but even freedom with ignorance is the same being enslaved. I am hopeful that we can achieve the first scenario described above through open discussion and a forum between key members in the community, leading to a definite action plan.

Most families were made up of Mum, Dad and two kids, these days things are changing.
Our parents came here, some without anyone they knew, let alone family of their own.
We have to acknowledge that they did it tough, both parents working, paying a mortgage, leaving the kids with older women who didn’t work. Having more than two kids was uncommon in those days, maybe if the dad desperately wanted a boy, or the Mother desperately wanted a girl. What’s happening today, how many kids are people having ?

Our generation has very little to worry about these days compared to past generations. We have parents that can help with looking after the children, even if they work, they can still be of some help. We have well paid jobs, don’t need to worry about a roof over our heads or food on the table. Something tells me, a lot of us these days take all these things for granted.

It looks like the family makeup of a typical Macedonian Family here is Sydney is becoming polarised. We have two extremes, many that have just the single child, and many that have 3 or more children, everyone else is having two children. When you think about it, it’s only logical, given the affluence of our times. It comes down to how much self indulgence we like, and how much we are willing to sacrifice.

On one hand you’ll have those that like to continue going to cafes daily and continue sports/business interests as opposed to dedicating more to the family. Then you have those that out of abundance, see that they can support a larger family and know that the more love you share around, the more love you get back. People I talk to about family size typically say, we’d be happy with one boy and one girl. Others say doesn’t matter what we have, as long as they’re healthy … And it’s true, but deep down, dads want boys and mums want girls.

My theory about family makeup is as follows; The more the better, and I’ll explain why.

A dad that only has daughters will always have that feeling inside him that he’s missing something. He can’t bond with his daughters, etc. In fact later in life, he will feel great distress when they begin dating. On the other hand a mother that only has sons will also feel something missing, someone to chat with, go shopping with, dress up, etc. Then when their boys get married, they may feel the rivalry with their daughters-in-law.

A family with both boys and girls allows both parents to experience life fully, both positive and negative. A mother with both boys and girls will have someone to chat and shop with, and will also have a rival when her son marries. A father with both boys and girls will also have boys to bond with, and his daughters boyfriends to deal with.

If a couple decides to stop at one child (and I don’t mean those that cannot physically have more than one child), they only get half of what life has to offer. Couples that decide not to have any more children after 2 or more boys only, or girls only, are in a similar situation.

Based on probability alone, the more children a family have the more likely they are to have both boys and girls. We all know of an example where a family has 5 boys, or 4 girls, etc. This thought alone has frightened many couples off once they’ve had two or three of the same. There is of course more at play than just straight probability when you consider one couple in isolation. Overall, things balance out, for example x percent of couples have either all boys or all girls, the other y percent have both boys and girls. In a large enough sample, the breakdown by gender of the first group will always be 50-50, same with the second group. The split between the two groups is the big question, I suspect it’s not as large as we may think, probably 20-80, ie 20% have all boys, or all girls, the other 80% have both. The stats would reveal all, but I don’t have these yet.

According to the ABS 2006 Census Data, there are some 34,000 Macedonians in NSW, and 37,000 in VIC. I’d be interested in getting some stats by age and gender of the Macedonian population in Australia, particularly Sydney. I’ll write about findings once I have these.

The bottom line is, the more kids, the better your chances of having a family made up of both boys and girls, then you can truly experience everything that life has to throw at you. In the end it’s all good, some men are destined to have only girls, some women are destined to have only boys, these are rare, much more rare than you may think. I will prove this with stats, and encourage you all to have more than just one or two children.