Sydney Maco

What makes some people so happy, and others so miserable ? I’ve often tried to come up with an adequate explanation to this, without any luck.
Here in Australia you get to see a very wide cross section of cultures with varying degrees of affluence.
What I’ve observed in general
is the following;

- People who have recently migrated from abroad love Australia, but desperately cling onto their own culture
- “Real Australians” - Kenguri, or Australians from Anglo-Saxon extraction have Nationalistic tendencies, almost Nazi-like in extreme cases.
- First generation Australian born like myself tend to be split between being indifferent and longing for better times.

I’m primarily focused on the third group described above, and have finally come to what I feel is an adequate conclusion to something that’s been bugging me for some time.
By comparing various aspects of every day life between these groups, I’ve been able to draw some parallels, and highlight what seem like obvious differences but fundamental to life experience.

Things in our favor;
Strong family values
Respect for elders
Good Work ethic
Well mannered

Things holding us back;
Superstitious beliefs
Jealousy and Envy
Decline in Respect
Having it too easy and no incentive to leave the nest
Overly tolerant of alcohol and smoking
Looking for easy money, tax refunds, compo, lotto, etc
The Orthodox Church’s role, and our attitude towards it
Feeling we deserve more than we have
Being uncomfortable about our heritage

Migrants who have recently arrived in Australia have vivid memories of what they’ve fled from, doesn’t matter how much someone says they love their homeland, the fact is they left it behind for something better.
Us who are first generation born here in Australia can’t relate to this, instead we have a different expectation, we haven’t had to endure hunger, extreme conditions or war.
Have you ever seen the gleaming smile of a migrant, the eyes full of eagerness and hope for the future ? It’s extremely humbling and helps put things back into perspective.
Even though we have not had to see the hardship many migrants have been delivered from, it’s extremely helpful if we can empathise and do a reality check from time to time.
I’ve found that even our parents generation could benefit from this, they seem to have forgotten how good they have it in many cases.

It’s the sense of hope and gratitude that drives people to do some amazing things. For example a migrant with very little English and minimal literacy will start a small business and endure all manner of opposition.
On the other hand a university graduate who was born and raised in Australia has little hope for the future, is afraid of starting a business despite the lack of any real barriers.

I encourage you to bring these things up in conversation with your parents or others in that generation, see what they have to say.
You could almost turn it into a debate, see what side they’re leaning on initially, and you take the other side to draw out their arguments.
It may seem strange at first when you talk this way with your parents, but just hang in there, it’s probably because you’ve never really connected at that level.
The stories that will begin to flow will definitely draw you closer and re-affirm just how fortunate we are here in Australia.

Most Macedonians born here in Australia are descendants of farming peasants, it may seem harsh to describe things this way, but this is the reality.
By ignoring your roots, and denying your heritage it’s like cutting off your right arm and convincing yourself that you have two arms.
Just like Australians don’t like being reminded of their convict heritage, so it is with us.
I brought this up with a very close friend once, indirectly just to gauge his reaction. His reaction was typical and fell into line with what I expected.
First there was anger, denial, then changing the subject altogether. I suspect this is how most of us would react when confronted in this way, including myself.

I’d like to argue that this last point about being uncomfortable with our heritage is one of the major things holding us back as a community.
It would be extremely useful to be reminded from time to time that although we are here in Australia today living in peace, our ancestors have endured much hardship.
History which should be reflected upon, even as recent as our parents upbringing and subsequent arrival to Australia.
We are not descendants of nobility or royalty with a family crest or coat of arms, although some in the community like to behave as through they are.
We are descendants of farming peasants who in most cases were illiterate, and at best town dwellers, a product of the communist ideals.
You may feel the same way my friend did after reading the above statement, and I can understand why, just keep reading and you’ll see my reasoning.

We do not appreciate freedom unless we have first experienced slavery or oppression, similarly we do not fully appreciate abundance unless we have done without.
Most importantly we do not appreciate grace (ie, being given a gift despite being most undeserving), unless we first accept and acknowledge we are undeserving.
It’s in our nature to lean towards feeling we deserve more out of life, or that we’ve earned what we have accumulated.
Changing the way you see your circumstances and how deserving you really are can go a long way towards becoming more appreciative and at the same time more sharing.
We laugh when we see toddlers chucking a tantrum over something they feel they deserve and is being withheld.
Now imagine yourself as that toddler when you feel you deserve some of these things;

- A BMW M3, just because you went to Uni
- A 4 Bedroom double story with large rumpus, study and double garage, just because your parents have 4 investment properties
- A job paying $160,000, just because it feels good to earn more than others
- A perfect family with one boy and one girl, just because it’s perfect and you deserve it
- A $10,000 tax refund, just because you hear others getting returns with certain tax agents
- A seat on the train, just because you paid your fare
- A 21st birthday party to end all 21st birthday parties

There are many more examples but you get the picture.
Start to see what you have as a gift rather than something you have earned, afterall you cannot even take your next breath without it being given to you.
So to summarise, the determining factor seems to be how appreciative we are of our circumstances.

I’ve been thinking recently about just how beautiful Sydney is as a city. We are so fortunate to be living in such a place. I’m sick of hearing all these negative points about Sydney, it’s crowded, it’s polluted, it’s fast paced, it’s impersonal, it’s expensive, etc. I love the place, and working in the CBD is just an awesome privilege. Having a mobile phone with a half decent camera, I thought I’d make use if it and take some photos around the city. Be sure to check back often, as I’ll be uploading directly from my phone to Flickr.

There’s something special about feeling respected by others. Being acknowledged, made to feel welcome, listened to and understood, included in conversation, etc. You know the feeling you get subconsciously when others show respect, even if it’s towards a third party. It makes the whole encounter much more pleasant when respect is shown by all parties.
The flipside of that is a sour feeling, disrespect makes others feel awkward, resentful and sometimes angry. I’m finding that there is a real problem with lack of respect, especially among the youth. It’s almost as if some younger Macos have a split personality, totally disrespectful and rebellious at home, then minutes later overly-pleasant with their friends, co-workers, etc. It’s even more dramatic when you see disrespect among the more “mature”.
It’s very unpleasant to be in the company of a husband and wife who argue, especially when the wife puts the husband down, this repeated lack of respect then makes it’s way down to their children’s behaviour. It’s almost like a disease of the personality, and it can be contagious. The best thing you can do in this situation is to just leave, take whoever is with you at the time and just leave, even if it’s just to another room.
Ironically it’s typically the disrespectful people that like to bask in respect shown by others. It’s almost like a one way street for them, always receive but seldom give. I call these people “respect hoarders”.
I encourage people to take a stand against disrespectful people. Make your feelings know, tell them not to use filthy language, not to be rude by answering their mobile phone mid-sentence, stop talking if you sense they’re not entirely listening, refuse to respond to unnecessary shouts from the distance, not to spread their germs when they’re sick, withdraw your company if you feel disrespect shown to another person.
A show of gratitude is always pleasant on the receiving end, if we help others, complement them, give them good news, etc.
Gratitude can be expressed in many different ways, calling to say a simple thank you, returning a book borrowed in person rather than telling them to pick it up next time they’re over, not telling them you hate their gift as soon as you open it, not spoiling good news by telling them you already knew, not saying you only drink “real coke” when offered Aldi Cola as a guest, etc.
In other words it’s making an effort to show your appreciation at the convenience of the other person.
We’ve all experienced having good intentions, helping someone else in good faith, only to be let down by them not thanking us, or showing any appreciation. In this situation you could model correct behaviour to that person, but the right opportunity must emerge first.
Ungrateful people typically have a history of being spoilt in some way, either too much mothering, having someone fuss over them constantly. Too much mothering can lead to overly-fussiness, insisting on cutting the crusts off, etc. Developing a self-centeredness and stubbornness later in life that’s as unyielding as buggery.
Seek to make these two words part of your vocabulary; Respect and Gratitude. In fact you will probably find that others will respect you for standing up to a disrespectful person.

Our minds are like ultra-absorbent sponges, they can soak vast amounts of information in for their relatively compact size. The volume of information that’s being hurled at our brains in today’s society is phenomenal. Never in the history of mankind has so much information been generated, stored and consumed. And just like a sponge, our brains can accumulate many germs during daily use.
With the increase in the volume of information flying around in our daily lives, the amount of noise our brains have to deal with has increased proportionally. Noise as in unsolicited phone calls, junk mail, spam email, credit card offers in the mail, in your face advertising, over sensationalised coverage of trivial stories in the media, multi-buy savings in the supermarket, store loyalty programs, advertising included with bank statements, department store sales, toys bundled with kids meals, real-estate marketing disguised as entertainment.
We’ve come to realise that the availability of excessive food can lead to food centred addictions, eating disorders and obesity. Information - the food that the brain feeds on can have a similar effect on our brains.
You really need to make a conscious decision to reject or eliminate certain sources of information in today’s society. A person plodding along in life on auto pilot would end up consuming a smorgasbord of nutritionally poor brain food, some of which is addictive.
Addictions can be formed by anything that overloads the senses and gives an apparent sense of pleasure with little or no effort. Overstimulating our brains repeatedly only leads to a higher threshold which now much be reached to attain the same level of stimulation. Of course there are certain personality types which are more susceptible to forming addictions.
We are all addicts in some way, some are addicted to travel, some to the internet, others to shopping, gossip (often disguised as catching up with friends), computer games, doing up the car, attaining the ultimate home theater system, photography, the latest gadgets, porn, dining out, tracking our investment portfolio, clubbing, cigarettes, the latest thriller, make-up, nails, pokies, wine tasting, all you can eat buffets, handbags and shoes, romance novels, diamonds and gold, latte, designer brands (even undies where the waistband shows), dominos pizza, crosswords, sudoku, fantasy roleplay games, the specials in the latest catalogue, the gym, drinks after work, rss feeds, blogs, ebay, facebook, second life, and many more yet to be conceived. In our try-before-you-buy society, it’s even getting to the point where people are becoming addicted to first dates and all the warm feelings associated.
I propose that a regular brain detox is necessary in order to have a peaceful and harmonious existence. The objective is to get you back in balance, and in control of what information your brain feeds on.
Think of how you spend your time, almost as if you had to account for every hour in the day, over the course of a week. Now think of what new and exciting things you can start doing if you had an extra 2-3 hours per day. Watching television is probably the most widely addictive source of information with years of conditioning. The internet is set to replace that in the years ahead.
We’ve all had those moments where there is a black out at night and we don’t know what to do. We find the torch, light a candle, and just sit there wondering what to do with ourselves. Soon we start a conversation with the other people in the house, no more internet, television, radio, etc. Some of our most deepest and meaningful conversations are had with others during this time, something that is sadly lost in our society today.
Election campaigns, and Christmas time are probably the best times to undertake a brain detox, since there is so much mis-information going around. Just like your regular dietary detox, you’ll need to refrain from certain brain foods (TV, Internet, Newspapers, etc), and increase your intake of others (conversation with others, read the classics, explore nature).
After doing this for a month, you will feel a sense of freedom never before experienced. A higher level of consciousness is inevitable. You are now back in control, free from all the manipulation scattered throughout the media and what modern society has to “offer”. It really is an “offer” that society makes, as compelling as it may be, it pales in comparison once you attain this state. A state where you can truly get to know yourself and others (seeing through the facade), a state where the creator will reveal himself to you.

Having been born into a Macedonian family automatically makes you a member of the Macedonian Orthodox Church. Here in Sydney we have several Macedonian Orthodox Churches which we can attend, namely; Roseberry, Rockdale, Cabramatta and several newly formed churches. There has been great debate around which church is the “true” church, and I’m not going to get into that here at all. Since most of those arguing probably can’t even name the four gospels, let alone recall a key verse from the Bible. These same people make out to be members of the “true” church, but their real motivation is power, control and a sense of authority rather than serving Christ. They’re probably better off getting a job as a parking attendant or security guard if they’re really bent on that sense of authority. Enough about them.

It’s really sad to admit this, and deep down we all know it’s true, but our community is not truly Christian, we only wear a badge called Macedonian Orthodox when it’s convenient. We are not to blame as individuals, it’s the way our community has evolved here since the early 1970’s. As a family we’d attend church for Weddings, Christenings, Easter and Christmas. Treating church more as a social gathering than a place of learning about the gospel. I recall going to church as a kid to Roseberry, we’d go inside light a candle each, stand around for 10-15 minutes, then head outside for the ice cream vans. I cannot say that I learned a single thing about Jesus while growing up and attending church, and I think most others my generation would say the same.

Today it’s not quite the same, we’ll go inside, light a candle with the kids, leave some money on the icons, then go outside to find others we haven’t seen since last year (since everyone is too busy working and don’t visit anymore). Can’t say I come out of there enlightened or with any revelation, I’ll be surprised if anyone else has. Why do we do this, is it because we’re expected to, believe that it’s the right thing to do ? It’s conditioning, and we’re on auto pilot.

Best way to illustrate is with this example, everything will become clearer.
An experiment was conducted on 10 chimps in a cage, there was a ladder leading up to a platform with bananas on it. Every day at a set time, a new bunch of bananas were placed up on the platform, the chimps would go up and get them. After some time, the experiment was changed so that a hose was pointed at the ladder and any chimp going near the ladder would be blasted. They tried several times, but soon got the picture and learned that there were consequences. Again the experiment was changed, and the hose was removed and one of the original chimps was replaced by one that had never been in the cage. He’d run for the bananas, the others would hold him back. He gradually developed the same conditioning as the others and knew not to climb up, but not the reason. Gradually all the original chimps were replaced one by one with new chimps, until all the chimps now in the cage had never been blasted by the hose but had become conditioned by the others. At the end of the experiment, from time to time a chimp would make a run for the ladder, and the others would hold him back, none of which had ever been blasted by the hose.

We are more than chimps, but sometimes we can behave the same way when living on auto-pilot.
Currently we’re not going to church consciously with any intention of learning something new or becoming closer to Christ. In fact every year I’m amazed at the mass turn out. It’s like a fashion parade and car show out the front all rolled into one. Others take the opportunity to promote their business, handing out leaflets, phone directories, plastering cars with leaflets, etc. We are a miserable bunch when you step back and think about it, I’d go as far as to say that we’re downright hypocrites, and offensive towards God.

My challenge for you all is not to turn things upside down and become rebels, but to question things from time to time. Ask your parents why they have to take red dyed eggs to church for easter, ask them why they leave money, oil, towels in front of icons at the church. You’ll be surprised by some responses, some more puzzling than others. And if you’re really up for it, my real challenge is for you all to ask the priest how he intends to reach out to the younger generation parading around in mini skirts and waxed chests. I’ll be doing that this weekend and let you know how I go. You’re probably curious now about some of the questions I posed. The reason Orthodox Christians leave things at church near the altar has it’s roots in Judaic tradition where animal sacrifices were offered. It was believed that the animal being sacrificed would take away the sins of the person offering it. This is totally contrary to the teaching of Jesus who the church was established for in the first place. What should be taught in our churches is that Jesus died for our sins, through his death we are forgiven. As for the easter eggs, thats going to be another post some day.

If enough of us start posing these questions, and taking a genuine interest, I believe that we’ll get to the heart of the matter, and our community as a whole will benefit.

We all get busy with life sometimes, and forget to check up on how our friends are doing. It’s typically the friend you haven’t heard from in some time, or when the conversation just isn’t the same with them any more. Others may have hurt us in some way and we’re inclined to give them the cold shoulder, or write them off completely.
A simple written letter in the mail is something we all seem to have forgotten about in this digital age. When you write things down, the thought process in your brain actually reinforces ideas you already have. At the same time, it’s a way to get straight to the heart of the matter, you open up to your soul. On the other hand with the convenience of email, the excuse of “I’m too busy” just doesn’t cut it any more.
Before I go on, I’d like to set some context which will make my point clearer.
We’ve all heard of the rise in consumerism, typically this is associated with shopping, self indulgence, etc. There is also a lesser known term of information consumer, we are all information consumers to some extent. Society has built up a large base of passive information consumers in many forms, movies, television, print, internet, news, etc. At the same time we can draw another parallel to fast food. A lot of the information out there is of such poor value as to compare it to the nutritious value of fast food.
We’re all aware of the mass market for dieting, cleansing, detox etc. There will soon come a time where people go on an information detox, simply due to over consumption of what is essentially poor quality information.
My argument is that it’s not healthy to be a straight passive information consumer. Many people get caught up in the trap of being a passive information consumer (popular culture, work, news, etc), until a threshold is reached. Then they escape this and flush their minds by going on a holiday as far away as possible. It’s a cycle that continues, and seems quite normal to most people.
So where does our friend come into this ? Our friend could simply be suffering from information overload, or maybe formed an addiction to some source of information (eg internet, movies, etc). A lot of teens these days get lost on the internet in chat rooms, or instant messaging with friends. Men also get hooked on internet porn, since it’s so freely available and easily accessible. Internet auctions such as ebay can also become addictive. These addictive tendencies form in all people to some extent, and can come about for a variety of reasons.
I believe that as human relationships become less valued to individuals in society, there will be a rise in addictive tendencies. By valued, I mean being appreciative towards others, as well caring towards others, respecting people enough to meet them in person rather than SMS them.
The challenge for us is to really value our relationships with others.
Make an effort to see people in person, write them a letter, keep in touch. Friends sometimes get lost, fall into a rut, and don’t think to ask for help. It’s always refreshing to have someone contact us and show a genuine interest.

Marriage is a big commitment, takes careful consideration, a lot of planning and is one of the very big decisions a person has to make in their life. I have been to my fair share of weddings here in Sydney, and have seen a variety of customs and practices from various parts of Macedonia.
Obviously the customs we’ve adopted from western society are sometimes prevalent, namely;

• the extended bridal party
• page boy and flower girl
• best man and matron of honour
• the throwing of the garter
• the bouquet
• ceremonial father giving away of the bride at church

However, it’s encouraging to see that Macedonian customs are also being upheld at these weddings, customs such as;

• Numko and Dever being the witnesses at the wedding
• Dever taking the shoes to the brides place
• Brichenje of the Zet in the morning
• Mesenje of the Svaka
• The singing of “Chereshna se od Koren Korneshe” at the brides place
• Darvanje of all the guests in the morning

Less practiced customs include;

• The burning of the Svekrva’s apron
• Taking a chicken to the bride’s house on the day after the wedding.

Customs I’ve only heard of and never seen practiced include;

• The display of the white bed linen after the wedding day

I’m always amazed at the amount of energy, time and money that’s devoted into planning a wedding these days. To me it seems to be increasing with time, weddings used to take 2-3 months to prepare. These days it’s typically over 6 months, some couples start planning a year ahead. This can be a very trying time for the couple, where differences in opinion, sometimes even differences in values come to the surface. Feelings of ” I’m doing all the running around, and he’s/she’s not lifting a finger ” sometimes come about. I’ve seen instances of people become so consumed with the whole wedding planning, that it actually changes them as a person. People who were previously well mannered, humble, and gentle, all of a sudden become arrogant, rude, and jealous.
Sometimes when weddings come up in our conversation with others, I like to point out that people these days put more effort and planning into their wedding day (and it is one day), than the rest of their life together. There is usually a few moments of silence at this point as this thought sinks in. Then someone jumps in to try and keep the conversation going, usually it’s the person who dislikes this thought the most. On the rare occasion that this topic continues, we’ve discussed how it would make great sense to devote more time and effort into the days that follow after the wedding day (and I don’t mean the honeymoon, for those desperately hanging on to denial).
The most extravagant Macedonian wedding I’ve been to in Sydney had over 750 guests, the couple arrived by helicopter, and the groom wore a white suite (not to be outdone by the bride ofcourse). This theatrical display which to me looked like a comedy at the time, unfolded into a true tragedy, ending in divorce. There’s a point to be made here I guess, and it’s most likely this; Don’t stress planning you’re wedding, take it easy, enjoy, put your energy into the rest of your life together.

Giving a child a name is a huge responsibility, it has many implications for later life. Some parents are not too concerned about “what’s in a name” and may opt for picking one from a TV Soap Star, or some other Celebrity. In case your thinking it’s a new trend, you’ll be surprised to find that you’re mistaken. Earlier generations did the same, I know two guys with the name Elvis, for example.
As we approach the much anticipated arrival of our next baby, my wife and I are faced with this very decision (not whether we name our next child Elvis). We’d like to retain some of our heritage without making life too hard for our child. Some old Macedonian names that could make life hard include; Stavre, Spase, Pavle, Vasilka, Biserka, Slavica. To the other extreme we have names that are totally foreign; Debbie, Aaron, Michelle, Justin, Jason, Grace, Matthew, Sandra. Nothing wrong with any of these names at all, but it seems to leave an aftertaste of identity crisis once we’ve reflected on these names a little longer. Some parents will even go to the extreme of adding a “designer” middle name, almost like adding the garnish on a well presented dish.
I’ve sensed this identity crisis within our community here is Sydney, especially those first generation Australian born.
Here in Australia, although I’m born and bred in Sydney, I’m considered a foreigner with a name that fits in the first category described above. On the other hand, when I go to Macedonian, I’m still a foreigner. You just can’t win.
The need to fit in is so overwhelming for some parents that they’ll give their children first and middle names like Grace Alana. Combine this with the surname and you have what I call a hybrid-anglo-wannabe name like Grace Alana Stojanovska. My point is, if you add garnish to Graf, it’s still Graf. Be proud of your heritage, don’t try and disguise it, change the flavour of it, etc.

Historically,when most Macedonian migrants first arrived in Sydney in the 1970’s, they would settle close together to support each other. Areas which were popular at the time included Enmore, Newtown, Erskineville, Marrickville, St Peters, Arncliffe, Turrella. These were typically near established industrial areas, or other forms of employment like the airport, railway, factories, etc. Macedonian Orthodox Churches were established at Roseberry, and Rockdale at the time.
Gradually there was a shift further out west as the Bankstown / Yagoona area presented further employment opportunities in the late 1970’s to early 1980’s. Later communities formed in the Fairfield area in suburbs like St Johns Park, Wetherill Park, typically where parents did not work at the airport or railway, but in factories or the water board, local council, etc. A church was extablished at Cabramatta for these communities. Others settled in Illawong, Alfords Point, and Menai during the late 1980’s to early 1990’s.
Today it’s a totally different picture, a large proportion of first generation Australian born Macedonians do not work in the same jobs their parents did, but have moved up the social ladder. Many today have either a University Degree, a Trade, or run a Business. Jobs as diverse as Accountants, Sales Assistants, Hair Dressers, IT Professionals, Lawyers, Doctors, Engineers, Pharmacists, Electricians, Plumbers, Builders, etc.
Our parents came to this country for a better life, and I can quite confidently say that they have succeeded, they wanted a better life for their children, and now it is reality. The danger we face as a generation born here is that we can become complacent, and become comfortable with leaving things the way they are. My challenge for you all is to match, or even better the progress made by our parents in terms of establishing our social standing in the community.
Our parents dreamt big dreams, came to a far away land not knowing the language, risking it all, that is why we are where we are today.
As for where Macedonians have settled today, many have moved out of Newtown, Enmore, and Marrickville. Many still working at the airport or related businesses have remained in Bexley, Rockdale, etc. A large proportion remains in the Bankstown and Fairfield areas also. Gradually there is a movement to the newer housing estates like Casula, Green Valley, Hinchinbrook, Bella Vista, Mount Annan, etc. It would be interesting to see where the new generation of Macedonians will settle in Sydney over the next 10-15 years. If you are planning to buy a house soon, which areas are you considering ?

We’ve gotten to the point where a lot of first generation Australian born Macedonians are now having kids of their own. It will be interesting to see how these kids turn out, if they end up even learning to speak Macedonian. As a first generation Australian born Macedonian, I remember my parents taking my brother and I to Saturday school to learn Macedonian. We’d also go to a dance group, the local “igraorno drustvo”, and we’d have the igranki on Saturday evenings every now and then to receive our trophies.
Although we’d moan and groan at our parents for their old traditional ways, we’re actually quite fortunate to have been brought up with sound moral values, and a rich culture and heritage. The challange we are now faced with is to carry on these traditions, and teach our children these same moral values. It is indeed a challenge, since the easy way out is just to follow popular culture and blend in with the crowd, even to the point of denying our heritage.
I strongly encourage you all the be proud of your heritage, make a point of it in conversation with co-workers, friends, etc. Take Maznik or Sarma to work for lunch instead of having a take-away Chinese stir fry.